Hormones, kicking in

My husband is studying in bed. He teaches a class about treasury management. It looks boring but is good for the resume and the pocketbook. I can't sleep. This isn't unusual because I never slept when pg with Mia. Of course, BTK was still on the loose and really freaked me out. I can't not sleep for 9 months. I just can't. I can't function in the evening without taking an hour nap in the afternoon as it is.

Anyway, so I am trying to fall asleep. I can't, so my thoughts turn to, "What the hell am I doing having another baby!" The tears turn on like a faucet and I am desperately trying to keep my sobbing to myself. Of course, that doesn't quite work when you are near hyperventilation. I explain all of my crazy emotions while new daddy holds my hand. I can't even breathe anymore, I am so wound up.

I accept blame for getting pregnant and for the fact that we have to buy a bigger car. I have no idea what I am really saying anymore. Hubby just holds my hand and tells me it will all be ok and that we needed a bigger car sooner or later anyway.

We discuss names. Nikita comes up, yet again. It is shot down, yet again. Kimberly comes up, yet again. It is shot down, yet again. No child of mine is going to be named after someone in the past. Husband's past, not mine. I have never dated a Kimberly or Nikita and don't intend to.